MALIFAUX MUSINGS - We Need To Talk About Seamus
Written By: Jay Edwards
I know, you read the title and you’re bracing for a long-winded rant about Seamus. You’ve heard it before. You might even think “oh boy, another whiny person complaining about my favourite Master”. No, I’m not going to lecture you on Seamus’ ramifications on the aesthetic of Malifaux. If, at this point, you’ve heard all the arguments and still think it’s “fine” to have a serial killer targeting the most vulnerable population and being treated like a fun joke, then no amount of argument will likely change your mind. No dear reader, that is not the intent of this article. Instead, I’m going to look at what the goal of Seamus’ crew is and what we could replace it with.
Actually, first, a small preemptive argument. The solution I’m going to provide is going to have a lot of people saying “that’s not period accurate” or “that wouldn’t happen in the 1920s” and I want to dispel that notion before I even start. Let’s be honest - reality isn’t much more than a style choice in Malifaux. Yes, it’s supposed to take place in the early 20th century, but we’re so far removed from that outside of a thin veneer on top of things. We’ve got robots, giants, and literal demons. Even if we are just looking at the transplants from the real world, we have a black female union leader, a Native rail magnate (also a woman), and a highly decorated black soldier from the British army. None of those existed in the mindset of the 1920s yet no one has batted an eye at them in Malifaux. If you make that argument, you should really reflect on your reaction and figure out the source of your opinion.
What does Seamus and his Redchapel keyword do? There’s some room for the crew to change during the beta, but in 3E they are a surprisingly tanky movement-control crew that, thematically, uses attraction and lust to get their point across. There’s also some chances for big spiky damage, even though the Copycat Killer stole the flintlock from Seamus’s bedside table. They honestly fill a fairly unique role, with Youko’s crew being similar but leaning more towards being backstabby more than relying on their marks’ baser urges to get their point across. So how do we rework this crew to be a lot less of a problem ethically and morally? Two words: drag show.
Seamus, Drag Emcee is a perfect swap for the current main Seamus. Instead of being a serial killer who runs a brothel, he is a purveyor of a burlesque show out of the Red Chapel that uses corpses of the recently deceased as a cheap source of dancers. Oh, and he gets his gun back, carrying a shotgun hidden in his microphone/cane to deal with troublesome patrons. Drag is inherently heavily dependent on makeup and pageantry, so hiding the fact they are undead is pretty easily worked into the theme. The Copycat Killer becomes The Understudy and does essentially the same thing. Madame Sybelle doesn’t actually change, she’s kind of perfect as is, just becoming a leather performer instead of a madame of a brothel. Bête Noire also doesn’t really need to change although my personal temptation to make them an emo femboy performer is strong. Dead Doxies become various drag queens and Dead Dandies are drag kings, both performing basically the same role that they do now. For the titled version, I think getting Seamus in on the show would be so on point that Seamus, Drag Empress should be his title with The Bouncer as his totem. What does The Bouncer do? I dunno, I can’t have all the ideas here.
This is all probably sounding cringe to a lot of people, thinking that I’m advocating for a comedy crew outside of Bayou, but I’m saying the exact opposite. This crew could easily be played straight. Drag is an art form and it could be done completely straight-faced, with queens in full makeup including trying to hide their exposed jaws and kings could have fancy canes to lean on because they are missing legs. It would also go a long way into both showing inclusion in the game world with some overt representation but it would also do some good to get rid of a really uncomfortable character. As a story point, I like to think that this version of Seamus lets people be who they really wanted to be in life after he raises them from the dead. And yes, I know this kind of sounds like Colette’s schtick, but we can have 2 kinds of performers in the game. Just because you own a Best of The Eagles album doesn’t mean you can’t go and buy a Logic CD too.
To end this session of Old Man Ramblings Disguised As An Article, I have long disliked Seamus. Since 1E, I have hated his story, his model, and his whole thing. A couple decades ago, it was more socially acceptable to be fine with the concept of a killer preying on sex workers in your game as a playable character, but I like to think we’ve improved a bit as a species since then. I understand the whole “Jack the Ripper” mythology and that aspect of his appeal, but ultimately he was a serial killer. We wouldn’t accept a John Wayne Gacy, a Gary Ridgeway, or an Albert Fish parallel in our game, so why does Seamus get a pass? Wyrd scrapped Collodi because of the implications and I think it’s high time that Seamus gets the axe sometime too.
